April 11, 2019July 6, 2020 Amy

Thoughts

Honduras

4 mothers

4 three year olds

1 toddler

2 newborns

trying to complete the daycare homework: make a hat out of recycled materials

 

paint everywhere

no sharing

newborn cries

toddler eating newspapers and crayons under the table

food on the hats

paint on the table, fingers, hands, chair

 

What I thought would be a fun project to work on together soon turned into an evening of chaos!

The best hat award goes to the pregnant mother who had also brought along her live-in nanny to care for the three-year-old.

My simple hat made out of recycled materials never made it to the FB webpage of the daycare

Will my child need therapy later on?

 

I take pride in myself as a mother who “has it together” and “can do it all.”

I appreciate having help in the home but at the same time, I chose to have my two beautiful children and don’t want to “outsource” the responsibility of child rearing.

 

Daytime help (cooking, cleaning, some child minding)

vs

Full-time live in help, often two girls; one for children and one for home

Fathers are not expected to partake as much in the running of the home or parenting… It’s a bit like the old times with defined gender roles.

 

I feel caught up in a vicious circle of privilege and compassion.

I have no qualms about leaving baby B with her grandparents from time to time, but I don’t feel comfortable leaving her with the nanny for too long… feel guilty for taking too much “me time”…

I’ve been sitting around all weekend because it’s a statutory holiday here in Honduras. Shops, restaurants, cafes, everything is closed. Everyone has left for either the beach or the mountains, the city is deserted. No outings to look forward to, no family to spend time with.

Feel very alone in a strange world.

I know forging new friendships is an important part of the posting but it also hard, like blind speed dating, at times. I often feel nervous, self-conscious like when going on a first date, you have to be constantly on your best behaviour extra kind and polite. When meeting someone new, I strive to put myself in their shoes, in order to adjust to their language and culture.

Here in Honduras, I am very aware of the role “class” plays and how some boundaries are unwritten but can never be crossed. There is also the challenge of communicating all this in my third language.

I want to make a good impression – keep up with the joneses- and stay true to myself.

Feel more at ease with certain people: common language? Common experiences? Common values? Common culture? Common interests?

T was playing on his imaginary cell phone/ipad calling granny, ga, auntie bev, grand-maman, grand-papa. Out of desperation for adult human contact, I went on Facebook messenger and called the first contact who appeared online: it was an instant connection and brought an huge smile to my lips: here was someone with whom I shared past memories, we could reminisce about shared experiences and compare and contrast life’s present hurdles: new baby, new job, new illness etc. Some people you just click with, the conversation runs smoothly despite the separation of time and distance.

Those are true friends and they mean the world to me.

 

Elmer chuckled, « Some things you can give and give and not lose any. Things like happiness or love or my colours. » (excerpt from Elmer and the Rainbow by David McKee)

 

I’m sure I will make new friends eventually. But I have learnt that the connection of friendship cannot be forced. I must strive to remain open and receptive; new friendships can arise in unexpected circumstances. I also know that the good friends at home will always be there and are only a short phone call away. Thank goodness for technology. Or a smile from a stranger.

I have the strength and the courage to carry on.

 

Embrace the positive and let go of the negative.