Overcoming Anxiety during the Lockdown – Search for Meaning
I recently found the following piece of writing while going through the Word files in the Blog folder on my desktop computer. I wrote this piece during the height of the political protests in Tegucigalpa and when my husband was seriously ill back in 2018. At first, I was scared to reread the document in its raw form for fear that all my stress and anxiety would come rushing back. Instead, I found meaning looking back on the difficult events which we eventually overcame as a family. At the time, I felt very scared – but painting murals and writing blog posts helped calm me down and reminded me to focus on the positive.
Stayed at home all weekend
I am losing weight without really trying. My appetite has not returned since the whole parasite fiasco. We are still recovering from the stomach bugs: possibly intestinal worms ingested from contaminated meat. We had to self-medicate with deworming pills. Ugh!
I am tired from the stress and anxiety. We can hear protesters in the streets near the compound. I read about the escalating violence in the local newspaper. My smart phone buzzes constantly with new messages. We receive updates all the time on new road closures, warnings about attacks on government buildings, and videos of large mobs looting shops. The pent-up threat of violence in the air is palpable.
I am tired of living in such a place. I am constantly worried for my personal safety and that of our children. When the protests escalate, the Embassy orders us not to the leave the house for the rest of the day for our own wellbeing. Our daughter turned two this week. The roads were closed and the piñata party canceled. I understand the rules and it’s reasonable, but it is still disappointing. I mourn the events we had planned but must now cancel.
The next day, we receive even stricter orders to stay within the city limits and only leave the compound for absolutely necessary errands or in an emergency. The day after that, strong rains and flash floods made most of the streets impassable.
I reassure myself that we have enough food, toys and games in the house, to keep us fed and occupied. We can make do for a while I tell myself. But who knows how long this will last?
A few days later…
I put down my phone, set aside my worry and had a lovely time with the kids: we played with blocks for hours. All four of us laughed and giggled on the couch over nothing at all. My four year old son learnt how to climb the tree in our backyard with his Papa. I perfected the skill of making corn tortillas from scratch. I can now feed my children their favorite meal: tortillas con frijoles (black beans) y quesillo (melted cheese.) I’ve started to write a little bit each day. I am also giving French as Second Language and English as a Second Language lessons to adults, a new teaching challenge, for me, which is at the same time reigniting my passion for education.
When would we have taken the time to do these simple activities otherwise?
Today…
Jump forward to the worldwide COVID-19 pandemic and we are living a different version social isolation, but this time during the government imposed lock down for our health and safety in Quebec, Canada. It’s not easy. Our whole routine was turned upside down. I found myself becoming very anxious and exhibiting the negative habits from Honduras. I was no longer in control.
L’anxiété épidemique an article in La Presse by Mario Girard covers anxiety during an epidemic. “Trois facteurs peuvent jouer sur l’anxiété : l’imprévisibilité, la nouveauté et la perte de contrôle.”
Click here to read the full article in French.
Each and everyone of us is experiencing unprecedented stress and changes to their routine. There is also the financial question as many loose their jobs…
The following article in the New York Times gave me a different perspective “On Coronavirus Lockdown? Look for Meaning, Not Happiness – Why cultivating “tragic optimism” will help us weather this crisis — and even grow from it.” The author, Emily Esfahani Smith, explains that “When researchers and clinicians look at who copes well in crisis and even grows through it, it’s not those who focus on pursuing happiness to feel better; it’s those who cultivate an attitude of tragic optimism.”
“Tragic optimism is the ability to maintain hope and find meaning in life despite its inescapable pain, loss and suffering.” As well, “in general, resilient people have intensely negative reactions to trauma. They experience despair and stress, and acknowledge the horror of what’s happening. But even in the darkest of places, they see glimmers of light, and this ultimately sustains them.”
Click here to read the full article.
The article “Coronavirus: How to protect your mental health” by Kirstie Brewer for BBC News suggests tips on how to protect your mental health during these difficult times. Always take care of yourself.
Click here to read the full article.
Tomorrow…
My message for tomorrow is one of hope. When I look back on those days of extreme anxiety while living in Honduras, I now also see precious spontaneous moments of pure joy which will forever stay etched in my memory. Once again in the face of adversity during the worldwide Covid-19 pandemic, I strive to be resilient. There will be good days and there will be bad days. I am searching for meaning in the crisis. My hope is that you will too. After every storm there is a #rainbow, #stayathome, #seulsensemble, #cavabienaller
And this too shall pass well said Amy
Your site is very helpful. Many thanks for sharing!