La Muchacha

One of the perks of living here in Tegu as the diplomat’s wife, is our huge house. The second biggest perk is having hired help. On our third day here, we were introduced to our muchacha and instructed to ask her to do anything we needed help with in the home. As one fellow diplomat summed it up: “You say “jump!” and her reply should be “how high?”

At first, I worried about what tasks to give her to do each day. Here is an example of my thought process: Should I make my bed? I’ve made my own bed for the last 30 years; do I really need someone to start making my bed for me?

On her first day, we asked her to clean the bathrooms and showers, sweep and wash the floors, prepare lunches and dinners, wash and hang the laundry. To my surprise, she did all that and even more! In the beginning, we had her do absolutely everything as I was anxious to keep her busy. I’m spoilt by how well she does things: the meals are delicious and made from scratch. Often, it’s even better than I could prepare myself –especially with two young children underfoot. I soon realized that sometimes I actually do enjoy doing the cooking, cleaning up, and organizing my own things. I was also conscious that T would easily become spoilt and not learn to pick up after himself or clean up his toys. So, T and I started to do some of the household chores together. After breakfast, he now pulls up a chair to the sink, asks for his own sponge and soap as he helps me do the dishes. He is very careful with the china and proud of being able to clean his own plastic cups and plates. As a mum, I am very proud of him.

My friend L who lived in Kenya with two young children recently observed that having hired help is a great way to remove gender related task and tension in the home. We don’t fight over dinner anymore. When Papa comes home from work, we go for a family swim in the pool, shower and sit down to a warm home cooked meal. We recently watched a movie on Netflix called “Motherhood” starring Uma Thurman and Minnie Driver (2009.) In the movie a harried mother who lives in busy downtown Manhattan attempts to juggle everything: taking care of the children, running the household, visiting her elderly neighbour, throwing a surprise birthday party and being a good friend. The main character is overwhelmed by all these tasks and has no time for herself as she tries to support the family by writing an online blog. “Motherhood” the movie was a nice reality check for me. I feel extra lucky to have help at home; now I need to learn to take time for myself and appreciate the little “Ah!Ha!” moments that come my way.

Like a professor in education at McGill once taught me, “Ah! Ha!” moments are the ones you cannot plan for but which bring great moments of joy and fulfillment. From my days in the classroom as a primary school teacher I’ve observed that these moments are extra to the everyday lesson planning and classroom management requirements. Instead they just happen. Professor Howden taught me to appreciate these “Ah!Ha!” moments, reflect on them, and give thanks. These days, I try as much as possible to savour these special moments with my children. For example, when T spontaneously wanted to push his little toy pig Cochon in the stroller to the park alongside baby B and I. Or watching brother and sister giggle as she tries to roll over on her play mat and grab a toy all by herself for the first time. For these moments to happen, I need to be present both physically and mentally.

Sometimes I wonder that by having paid help in the home I am in a sense outsourcing what I could do myself. For example, as we went for a stroll yesterday I observed this scene at our neighbours house. The private chauffeur pulled up to the main door of the home. Out came the father in workout clothes carrying their one year old son dressed all prim and proper. He secured the boy in his car seat in the back of the SUV and said “Adios mi hijo!” Next, a young nanny appeared with a child size backpack under her arm and entered the front seat of the car. As the three of them drove off -without the parents- I wondered the following things to myself: firstly where were they going? Secondly, what were the parents so occupied with that they could not accompany their own child?

Labour is so cheap and work in short supply here that I could easily find an empleada to take care of every little task in my home: shopping for groceries, cooking the meals, cleaning the floors, washing the laundry, emptying the trash, etc. We could have a private chauffeur drive us around town. One could pay a gardener to tend to the plants and cut the grass. And not forgetting a live-in nanny, or two, to take care of baby minding full time. There are probably other possible jobs that I have not even discovered yet! Like my Aunt Jo observed, it’s like staying perpetually on a resort: no cleaning, no cooking, no laundry and swimming every day!

This morning, while I was walking the neighbour’s dog, pushing B in the stroller and supervising T on his push-bike, I realized that our muchacha was over an hour late. I soon received a call from her on my cell phone, there was very bad reception and the line was crackling but somehow, I understood her yelling the words “diarrhea” and “no puedo venir hoy.” She was taking a sick day. My first reaction was: Yikes! A whole day without la empleada! How am I going to cope at home alone with both children? I was devastated, especially since I was all dressed up and planned to run some errands at the store for Halloween, without the children. I felt like crying. As I watched our neighbour who lives by the playground being driven away by her chauffeur in her big Jeep SUV, I felt even more out of place here in Tegu. I slowly walked back home with the dog and two children my head hanging low. Then I remembered that we had Kraft dinner hidden in the back of the pantry: comfort food for lunch! Next, I eyed the cornflake box and got a hunkering for cookies.

After a quick search on google recipes and nipping next door to borrow some vanilla, T and I were busy baking corn flake chocolate chip cookies from scratch. My toddler pulled up a chair, grabbed the wooden spoon and started to stir the ingredients in the big metal bowl sitting on the counter. After I added the butter and sugar to the mix: he actually proceeded to eat more than stir. We danced away to the beat of “C’est la vie” (Khaled) playing on the iPad and ate most of the batter before it even touched the cookie sheet. Having removed all of his clothes previously for a failed attempt to use the potty, T was now topless and covered in melted chocolate chips. We shimmied and giggled and I soon forgot about my worries.

I am writing this as both babies are napping simultaneously. The house is a mess of toys, dirty laundry and filthy dishes. I have no idea what we are going to eat for supper but I have the lovely memory of dancing and baking cookies with a shirtless toddler. Talk about an “Ah!Ha!” moment. We’re good for now. But maybe, just maybe, I’ll leave the dirty floors and bathrooms for the muchacha to wash when she returns tomorrow…