How do you feel about moving to that island… the one that starts with B?

Knowing that we were scheduled to fly out of Canada at the end of August, I spent the final weeks of the summer holidays scrambling to do some last minute packing. I must admit there was a tiny bit of compulsive online shopping at 2 am. In addition, the kids and I took several trips to the second hand store, ostensibly to drop off items we no longer needed. As we drove there, I sermoned the kids: “We can’t buy any more toys, don’t ask me to buy things at the store. We are just stopping quickly to drop off things we no longer need.” But somehow- for reasons beyond my control- each time, we came home with more than I had given away! For example: that cute food blender which might come in handy, those extra swimsuits, rash guards and swim goggles for the kids, that pretty summer dress from Banana Republic that fit just right and was a steal for only 10$, etc. I was also addicted to the Buy Nothing forum for our local community and screeched to halt if ever we passed a garage sale in the neighbourhood.

It was a strong sense of mothering that compelled me to want to provide. I think I was dealing with my stress of the upcoming move and trying to calm my anxiety in face of the unknown by compulsively stocking up on things and preparing extensively for the new chapter. I think it’s natural to want to provide for the brood; to hoard the things we might need or find useful. My husband begs to differ…

It’s very hard to predict what we will miss. “Do we really need 3 years worth of maple syrup? How many cans can we safely transport? How much toilet paper does a family of 4 consume over a year? Maybe a bidet would be simpler? Who do I know who has successfully installed and used a bidet? Scratch that, the kids make a mess and spray water all over the bathroom walls.” These are the type of questions that were a constant hamster wheel going through my head everyday from morning -till way too late at night.

During one goodbye dinner at a friends house, we met a mother and her daughter who had fled Ukraine to Poland in March 2022. They had been in Canada for just under 2 months. Due to the every changing political situation back home, they were unsure if they were putting down roots here or moving yet again. They needed help navigating the school system, the housing system and even simple things such as groceries and play dates. This encounter reminded me that we chose to go on this posting to Barbados. We are thankful to have many things taken care of: move, school, house, packing, pack-up kit. All these were arranged for us.

Right now I feel anxious because I can not properly prepare our children for life in Barbados. We know very little about what our daily life will be like in Barbados ourselves. However, I am reminded that children are adaptable. They live in the moment and are content with what they have. It’s adults who tend to wallow in the past and anxiously anticipate the future.

These past few days have been filled with shared meals and long play dates. We say goodbye. I prefer the French expressions: “Au revoir. À la prochaine.” I’m confident that our paths will cross again. We have social media and technology to keep in touch. COVID made us experts on Zoom calls. We hope to return often to Canada and host many visitors. I am confident that good friends will remain despite the physical distance that separates us.

I aimlessly wander the house back in Gatineau. I make list after list, trying to decide what to pack: swim gear, work clothes, work gear, school supplies, school lunch supplies, essential papers, books and knickknacks so we feel at home, my tattered and torn recipe books, a selection of toys and games for the kids, etc. Then again, it’s all just stuff. Some things we get sentimentally attached to and for all sorts of reasons. It will take time and patience, but slowly, we can make the house we are assigned in Barbados our home.

It’s important for me that our home always be open and welcoming for friends and family to come and stay, share a meal, open their heart, play away. COVID deprived us of this, we were all a bit rusty at the beginning of summer, but I know socialization will make a comeback. I grew up in the same house, which my parents have owned for over 40 years. My husband and I have moved apartments, houses, cities, and even countries together. The stress and anxiety lessens a little bit each time. This time around, we are very fortunate to have the time and the support to do it well. Each move, there are certain sentimental things we make sure to bring with us, and other things we learn to do without. The stress is normal and I am comforted by the fact that each time we have managed to reach out and create a warm and loving social circle, each time we have managed to nest in the house and create a warm and loving space for our family to grow.