Always Running
I have a question for parents of young children: When was the last time you were bored?
Parenthood has brought my multi-tasking ability to a whole new level:
I am falling asleep and planning tomorrow’s dinner in my head.
I am driving to work and writing the weekly grocery list.
I am following a yoga class and counting back how many days since the kids last took a bath.
Sleepless nights
Sometime this past Spring. I wake up with a start at 4am. Stumble my way to bathroom and then back into bed, it’s still very dark outside. I walk into the bedroom to check on my two sleeping children. As I lay back down in bed, the hamster wheel of worry begins to spin around in my head. The anxiety builds up. I start making lists: to do lists, grocery lists, activity lists, lists of outings, etc. The worry is exponential, the smallest things get blown way out of proportion at 5am. I’m breathing faster and faster, a knot forms in my stomach, I want to wretch but my stomach is empty. I toss and turn with worry. I want to fall back asleep but my mind won’t relax. Eventually, the morning alarm rings and I get out of bed feeling less rested than the night before.
I am still searching for the perfect family-work-life balance.
Sunday afternoon
That feeling of dread; the return of the work week. The reality is that I barely have time to give 30 minutes of my undivided attention to the kids each day. We get home from school, rush to make dinner, eat, bathe and it’d bedtime before I pass out in the bed next to my children. Most nights, I can’t even stay up to watch TV or read a chapter of my book. The feeling of culpability and guilt that I am not doing enough always linger in the back of my mind.
I am my own worst critic as a teacher, as a mum, as a spouse.
So nice to hear people tell me: you have great kids. They are calm and can occupy themselves.
Now aged two and four, they play together for longer and longer periods of time. They invent the wildest games and stories in their imagination. My heart is overflowing with pride. Quotes from the kids:
“The Gruffalo went on a plane to Tegucigalpa because it’s too cold for him here in Canada.”
“Papa, pourquoi la neige est froide pour moi?”
« Soy un oiseau fish. »
30 minute free play
The best part of my day is the 30 minutes of playtime I allow myself with the kids.
I rush to pick them up from daycare after work so we can play together, we might (in no particular order):
- Make a quick stop at the playground on the way home,
- Walk to the Dépanneur at the end of the road for some milk,
- Have a chocolate bar picnic overlooking the river,
- Put on skates and wobble around at the outdoor skating rink,
- Build a snowman in the back yard,
- Take a walk in the snow to admire the Christmas lights on our street,
- Go searching for the Gruffalo in the small forest adjacent to our home,
- Go sledding down a little hill by the abandoned farmhouse,
- Build a Duplo EV charging post for the toy car.
During those precious 30 minutes I am a child again. I enjoy the present. I practice mindfulness. I love seeing the wonder and awe for the world through their eyes.