Back to work post confinement

I would like to start off by acknowledging that each teacher’s situation in their school board and even their specific school is unique. Here is the summary of my past 17 days of teaching experience as an ESL specialist. I presently teach English as a Second Language in grades 1 through 6 in two primary schools in the Outaouais region of Quebec. The schools reopened after 8 weeks of quarantine at home in order to slow the spread of the Coronavirus. This is the first installment of the diary notes I wrote at the end of each day.

It starts off with a surreal Microsoft TEAMS virtual meeting while every teacher at school but sitting at their desk in their individual classroom.

Feels impossible to respect the 2m rule all the time, in class and around the school, and the students haven’t arrived yet.

Sub committees are formed to think up different scenarios and possible solutions.

Everyone stressed and on edge. We ask a lot of questions and there are few clear answers for the moment. Try to put our best foot forward.

Found rainbow cards in a bin that fell over while organizing the new layout for desks with S in grade 5. Is it a sign?

Long online TEAMS virtual meeting with many people asking lots of questions. Often the principal did not have concrete answers to give us. We must work with what we have for now, then adjust and as we learn from our mistakes. Did not feel very useful at work. Too many cooks in the kitchen and so many unknown variables is a huge “résolution de problèmes.” Overwhelmed. Zoom fatigue.

The bike ride to and from work helped me decompress and relax. Best part of the day was to come home and cuddle Bea as she woke up from her nap.

Oh! I so want a hug right now.

I’m exhausted from school physically and mentally. Still have no idea what I will do for ESL teaching with real students in the real classroom next week. I am expected to teach all 17 groups, at both schools, and maybe some extra kindergarten groups (which I have not taught this year.) So far, my suggestions have gone without any response or acknowledgment.

Today is my Birthday. Woke up with a ball of anxiety in the pit of my stomach. My husband played upbeat Birthday music on Spotify at 6am and we danced out the stress together. Be silly. Hug my kids. Bike to work and try to make the best of the situation. Did menial tasks -but helping out where I can made me feel useful. I am also thankful for my mom who reminds me that I can walk into a classroom any grade with no materials and teach with confidence. I’ve got this. To paraphrase an idea from An Astronauts Guide to Life on Earth by Chris Hadfield; I’ve been training for this all along. The students and I will learn the new routines and procedures -such as hand washing and staying 2m apart -until they too become second nature.

Did online learning with a worksop by RÉCIT in the morning. Overload of information and I’m not sure if I will have much time to test it out or appropriate it before the students return. Papa is busy on work calls and taking care of the kids non stop.

Went into school in the afternoon. Sat in front of the schedule puzzle and worried. Fingers crossed, I have found a solution to avoid travelling between both schools in the same day.

I feel disappointed that some of my peers chose to work alone instead of collaborating. There are ways around social distancing which allow us to continue to collaborate on projects. But some choose to go the solo route.

Overtired and took it out on kids when I got home.

Chat with friends over the phone managed to help settle me down.

On my bike ride to school, I saw a lovely red fox in the Gatineau park. The streets were quiet, snow was falling (in May.) Gives me hope that something good will come out of all of this. Saddened that certain colleagues choose to work solo (instead of collaborating) and then take all the glory.

Finally found a solution to avoid two schools in the same day and it was approved. Hooray! This particular scheduling conflict had been irritating me all year.

Feel anxious and literally freeze in place when I look at my new revised teaching schedule. There are new toilet breaks and recess periods right in the middle of my 60 minute teaching block. It is a lot to take in. I feel afraid of overlooking an important detail.

What I can control: my attitude.

My strengths: my creativity and adaptability. I will do my best with what I am given. Not compare myself to others. I can enter a classroom with nothing and entertain, diffuse, and connect with the students. It may not be a beautiful website like so-and-so created for her class; but it’s my personal inner strength.

Remember that I have skills too. Make personal connections with individuals. Make learning meaningful. Lower expectations of myself. Focus on the present moment. Mindfulness. Smile. Be flexible and fluid. Stand up for myself if I feel I am being trampled. There is always a solution. This is temporary. This too shall pass.

Strategies I can use to regain control when I feel anxiety rising (there is no magic answer or secret receipe, therefore this is in list form with no particular order):

Write it down

List what I can control

Reach out to family and friends

Talk about it

Exercise

Listen to music and dance

Take a nature walk (pay attention to the small details, all 5 senses)

Take a bath and watch TV

Draw or make art with the kids